“Try not to confuse attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency, and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because your empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full.”
Yasmin Mogahed

People often ask how – as an empath – I was able to stay emotionally detached throughout my healing, at least enough to rise above my patterns surrounding codependency and love addiction to make some permanent shifts in my relationships.

When I reflect on those habits that I let go of, what becomes apparent was that I had become so emotionally open and available to other people, that I didn’t leave anything in reserve for myself. So I was constantly missing something: me. Which meant I was on this endless quest to fill this void; and the gaping hole couldn’t be filled so long as I kept giving my entire self away in every relationship.

I was always the “good girl”. I always wanted to do the right thing. And I always tried to do the right thing by others – which, at the time, I thought meant that I needed to put them first; or drop everything to help them. A belief that couldn’t have been further from the truth. It was only through my horrific ordeal with a narcissist that I realised my strength, my worth and what I needed to do to piece myself back together and love myself like I never had before.

Something I highlight to people who are following my work is that healing actually needs to happen in a certain order. You can’t do your healing out of order because you will either undo work previously done as you try to move through the process; or you will miss things out – and therefore won’t heal properly.

With this in mind, each month of healing should build on the previous month’s healing work. Right from the start – we need to be connected and committed to ourselves, above all else, so that we can achieve the most desired healing outcome.

I’m going to break the feedback I received from my group down in this response; and I’m also going to move them into each phase of my response – so you can identify what you may be feeling and what strategies you can use at this point.

There are three parts to this post:

1. The Break Up (0 – 3 months)

2. The Recovery (4 – 6 months)

3. Beyond Healing (7 – 12 months)

Click on the above links to read the rest of this post – and I’ll see you there!