All aboard the acceptance express!!!
Here’s how you can fast track your way to acceptance of someone’s behaviour/choices/character when no one around you gets it…
(Or maybe they’re too hung up on their own agenda to throw you an olive branch…)
1. Research it
First profile the person so you can see on paper that it’s a fit. Narcissists have profiles. Toxic people have profiles. BAD people – have profiles. What’s their current life look like? Does it fit the profile? What about the past or their upbringing? Does that fit the profile?
2. Listen to yourself
What are you telling yourself about this person that’s hurting you? For example – you may be saying “I should’ve seen it!” “I wouldn’t hurt them like that” “If I can’t see through that how can I ever trust myself to choose good people to date/love/marry?”
3. Do the best friend test
If your best friend was in your shoes, what would you say to them?
Now, occasionally this will NOT help! You and your friend may agree what happened is terrible … and neither of you may understand your response to what’s happened (particularly if it’s highly empathetic in the other person’s favour).
So what do you do when you and your best friend agree on advice that STILL doesn’t bring you to a place of acceptance…?
4. Reach out
Find support from a professional that will not only offer an objective perspective but they may also say “Give yourself a break – 99% of the population couldn’t have picked that.” And in those words all that hurtful self-talk will ease. I mean – they’d know! They’re a professional!
5. Return to routine
Sleep on it and then get (back) into a healing routine that keeps you focussed and moving forward. Every morning I go out on a walk to download my thoughts and then onward with my day. Always take care of yourself first.
The only thing that will keep you stuck is you – and generally we get caught up in point one and our research, TRYING to understand that we are unable to move into a place of acceptance. We stay starring at that profile going “They fit EXACTLY!” – and then wanting to find out more and more… but we can’t get to acceptance just because we have evidence that something is true.
In fact, this person could be named and profiled in every major news outlet and you’ll still struggle to reach acceptance (trust me!). This is why we need to take a few practical steps that can move us from A to B.
Be brave as you reach for acceptance – sometimes it’s not an easy process and it does take courage. Whatever you do, jump on the acceptance express as soon as you can and keep moving away from that horrible, icky space as fast as you can.